Just spent almost an hour reading it all over and over. I am so happy to say I’m out of that stage now, I think I’m crazy but this grounding is a good thing for me. I’m starting to realize what I really need finally. And on top of it all this hardwork is beginning to pay off… Thank the lord :))))) wahooo
the fact that my parents think i cant hear them right now and said they wish i was another mary sdafkjsaldfkhaskfl FUCK YOU BOTH
i honestly continue to amaze myself. each night i go to bed thinking the next night couldn’t possibly be worse, yet i manage to top it every night. lately i find myself sobbing in bed more often than not. before my family didn’t know, but after tonight, everyone does. everything goes so great until i just have to go and ruin it. its like i go on some sort of binge, i cant control myself, im just an outsider watching myself say and do all these horrible things. then i finally stop, everything is quiet for a second, everyone is staring at me and and i realize what i have done. i have no clue how to control myself. i honestly go crazy at the littlest things. i seriously think i need some sort of help wtf is wrong with me. i cant deal with this anymore and to be honest i have no clue why anyone puts up with it
so i have finally realized its mono… i have never had something last this long, all through the fall and still now. i thought it was because i was not eating and practicing that i felt like that, so i started eating more and just felt worse. ahhhh its all so clear now. the pains everytime i breath and move lately, the coughing, random fevers, tiredness, stomach aches even after eating something as small as a carrot- everything makes sense now… now all i need is to go to the doctor, parents gone until tuesday- testing positive means days free of school and swimming and spent watching movies with my sisters at home without my mom hovering around making noise dont get me wrong i love her more than anything,but okay this could be worth getting over my needle and blood fear. so much pain in my body someone help me. also there is so much else that i want to write about right now but i need to study and shower and sleep lets hope for a goood day tomorrow god knows i need one
why can i barely find anything i want this is a problem… this is it so far and i love all the stuff i am asking for
-puppy (like every year)
-new paddleboard
-bikini tops
-frye carson boots
-steve madden suede wedges and many other shoes
-leather skirt
-rings of all sorts
-new straightener
-clarisonic
ehhhh why can i not think of anything else. well at least being sick will give me a chance to find stuff
my shopstyle app=saving grace… notifies my mom everytime i favorite something, could it get any easier
okay uva for the fourth time in less than two months? dont get me wrong i love it but this is getting old really quickly….i usually don’t really mind going and willingly miss parties, but right now there is nothing at home that i would even miss. i dont even have friends to hang out with here anyway. i dont feel like going to the game, im usually so into it. the only reason im willing to go is to go shopping sunday. i have never been to this although my mom goes all the time. but anywhere i can get a $900 leather jacket for $15 im in. i need so much stuff and hopefulllyyy this will have most of it. i know this will never work but i am going to keep buying xs’s and 0’s even though i barely fit in that stuff anymore. hopefully if i keep buying it i will be motivated. i have lost weight this weeek although it was thanksgiving which is shocking…ehhh then why do i still feel so gross. lol at myself wearing workout clothing including sneakers everywhere i went today, although i didn’t do a second of exercise
ahahhahah that moment when someone says who would do that and you were the one who did………. i didnt think she would show him it lolol sawry
And now random relatives I have never met just showed up as my parents leave for the night. Wait you expect me to just hang out here with them………
